Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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