My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
