Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
