the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
