my soul wont recognize me after tonight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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