well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
