I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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