So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
