mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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