My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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