So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
