he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
