it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
