Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
