i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
