I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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