I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
