YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
