i permit you to call me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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