if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
