dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I puked a lego.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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