Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
