capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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