so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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