Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
