It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
