The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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