bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
