i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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