grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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