im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
