Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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