when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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