Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
