Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
