Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
