Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
