I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
