I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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