does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
