I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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