So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
