I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
