u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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