Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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