New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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