I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
