If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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