Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this will be a night to untag.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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