How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
