If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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