thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
