Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
