Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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