was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
