There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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