just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
