My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
