whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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