this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
