My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
