So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
