Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
