So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
