I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
