we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
