It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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