I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
