Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
