Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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