DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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