I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
