He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
