I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
