If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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