He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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