I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
