My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
