My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
