WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
