I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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