Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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