yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
