I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
