I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
