Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
