on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
