and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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