Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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