like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
