I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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