he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
